If you watch daytime television, you know that judge shows are more popular than ever. You have “Judge Judy,” “Judge Harvey,” “Divorce Court.” The list goes on, but now there’s a new court show set to take over here in South Florida, and this judge means business.
Bailiff: “All rise! Judge Lynn in session. Your Honor, Case Number 37 on the docket.”
Judge Lynn: “Ma’am, this is a courtroom, you can take off the sunglasses. Ms. Mercedes, is it your claim that the defendant owes you money that you gave him for his GoFundMe campaign?
Mercedes: “Judge, this is what happened.”
Judge Lynn: “OK, just a yes or no is sufficient. What is your occupation, sir?
Mr. Smith: “Ma’am, I’m the CEO of my own company.”
Judge Lynn: “OK, what kind of company?”
Mr. Smith: “It’s a vape company, vapes. We have all kinds of flavors, we got watermelon, peach.”
Judge Lynn: ” Bailiff, what is he saying?”
Bailiff: “Vape pens, what you smoke with.”
Judge Lynn: “OK, Mr. Smith, you stated that this GoFundMe – OK, there is no vaping in the court! Oh, my God. You stated that this GoFundMe was to help with repairs for your car. Is that correct?”
Mr. Smith: “Yes, ma’am.”
Judge Lynn: “OK, take your hands out of your pockets. Do you have a picture of the car?
Mr. Smith: “Yes, Your Honor.”
Judge Lynn: “Let’s see it. What is this? What does that say in the window?”
Mr. Smith: “‘Panty dropper.'”
Judge Lynn: “Panty dropper? What does panty dropper mean?”
Mr. Smith: “It’s like, you know, women, they like the car, their panties.”
Judge Lynn: “OK, OK. Yes, I get it.”
[Bailiff shakes his head.]
Judge Lynn: “OK, and did you know this woman before you started the whole GoFundMe thing?”
Mr. Smith: “Oh yeah, we was dating.”
Mercedes: “We were not dating, Your Honor.”
Judge Lynn: “Okay, okay, ma’am, I’ll get to you in a second.”
Mr. Smith: “Oh yeah, we was dating. What are you talking about?”
Judge Lynn: “OK, OK, both of you, shut up.”
Mr. Smith: “What you talking about who went out? Everybody in town knew we was dating.”
Mercedes: “No way.”
Mr. Smith: “You ratchet.”
[Judge Lynn throws her gavel.]
Mr. Smith: “Ah, you missed me.
[Mr. Smith is hit on the head with a second gavel.]
Judge Lynn: “All right, let’s get back to the matter at hand. You donated $800 to him, correct?”
Mercedes: “Yes, ma’am, but he told me he was going to use it to use for his car, to repair his car, and then I see him on Instagram in a strip club throwing $100 bills all over the place.”
Judge Lynn: “Do you have evidence of that? Do you have any pictures?”
Mercedes: “Yes, Your Honor.”
Judge Lynn: “Oh, my, Mr. Smith. Is this you at the strip club?”
Mr. Smith “That’s all work related. That’s me going out with my boys, and we do business out there.”
Judge Lynn: “Quiet, you fool! So you took hundreds of dollars from this poor, innocent, hardworking woman and spent it at the strip club instead of your car. That’s exactly what happened. Ruling in favor of the plaintiff for $1,800 and 30 days in jail. Take him to jail!”
Mr. Smith: “Thirty days in jail?”
Judge Lynn: “Yes. Case dismissed.”
Mr. Smith: “You’re not even a real judge.”
Judge Lynn: “I have an online certificate.”
You just got a taste of Judge Lynn Justice.
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