The last place we’d ever want to go is a desert planet with no wine, even if Timothée Chalamet were there, but in the latest adaptation of the epic sci-fi saga “Dune,” critics can hop on an intergalactic flight, jacked up on all that spice … because not only are the suntans good, the performances are stellar.

How do you sum up the epic, two-and-half-hour “Dune” in just two minutes?

Timothée Chalamet (as Paul Atreides): “This is an extermination.”

Timothée Chalamet: “All right, here we go.”

Zendaya: “You’re good at this.”

Timothée Chalamet: “OK.”

Thanks, Timothée.

Timothée Chalamet: “In clear-sidedness on justice.”

Zendaya: “Ooo!”

Still going, Chalamet.

Timothée Chalamet: “Structural power.”

Zendaya: You?! All right, all right!”

It’s not easy, but with part one of the sci-fi saga already topping the foreign box office, director Denis Villeneuve is finally cooling off.

Denis Villeneuve: “Last night I slept like a baby. I just fall like a rock. Bang!”

Basically, there’s a galactic empire called the Imperium, right? And the emperor sends this royal family, the Atreides, from their wonderful ocean planet to Arrakis. This place is awful: hideous sandworms and desert everywhere.

Zendaya: “If I waste any water, I’m like, ‘Oh, my gosh, the people of Arrakis would kill me.’ I’m so much more aware.”

But it’s home to the most valuable thing in the universe. It’s called the spice, and it ain’t no oregano. The Duke of Atreides, played by Oscar Isaac, is put in charge of the whole thing.

But, surprise! They’re betrayed for control of it.

Rebecca Ferguson: “Having that massiveness of the sets and the scale, but then you go close-up on a non makeup-ed face, screaming of pain for fear, that’s the heart.”

And, based on Stellan Skarsgård’s performance, you don’t want to mess with these villains.

Stellan Skarsgård: “We went for just nude or in a silky pajamas.”

So, Lady Jessica, played by Rebecca Ferguson, and her son Paul — that’s Timothée — have to fight back.

Rebecca Ferguson: “To be on the receiving end of that magnitude of brilliance, I mean, I’m so bloody lucky.”

Although Rebecca really just wanted to play between takes.

Rebecca Ferguson: “I’m more goofing around, so I think i had to distance myself a little bit.”

All the while, Paul keeps dreaming of a native woman named Chandi. Can’t blame him, though: it’s Zendaya.

“Will the Atreides take back Arrakis? Jason Momoa’s Duncan Idaho is one heck of a brave soldier, although, on set, he says…

Jason Momoa: “Jason was [expletive] his pants, so I was very scared. I was absolutely terrified. Never worked with a cast like this.”

“Dune” lands in U.S. theaters Oct. 22.

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