MasterChef producers search for Miami’s finest home cooks

The casting producers for MasterChef are in Miami looking for the best home cooks for the new season of the hit FOX show.

Now, I’m no professional, but I have been known to master a bag of microwave popcorn or two — and with a skill set like that, I figured I’d audition. And I gave it my best shot.

Gordon Ramsay: “America’s next MasterChef is…”

You! Or at least it could be. MasterChef is holding auditions this Saturday at the JW Marriott Marquis in Downtown Miami.

Gina Salemi, producer: “We are looking for the best amateur home cooks that Miami has to offer.”

If you have that one dish that you cook better than anyone else, now’s your chance to show it off.

Ned Johnson, producer: “No cooking on site. We are asking everyone to bring food they cooked at home.”

Chris Van Vliet: “So you’re saying I have to create my own dish, so I should take the Publix sticker off of it before I come see you guys?”

Ned Johnson: “Yes, that would be ideal. Definitely don’t bring anything store-bought, that’s for sure.”

I don’t know about you, but one of my goals in life is to get yelled at — in a kitchen — by Gordon Ramsay.

Gordon Ramsay: “Open your [expletive] eyes!”

Yeah! Just like that.

So with the actual MasterChef casting producers in front of me, I figured now is my chance to make that dream come true!

Chris Van Vliet: “Using the ingredients in the Channel 7 kitchen, I put something together for you guys.”

Ned Johnson: “You did a little mystery box challenge?”

Chris Van Vliet: “Yeah. I’m really nervous. I’m not very good at auditions, so I hope this goes well.”

Chris Van Vliet: “All right, we’re inside the kitchen here at Channel 7, where I am going to master a delicious and kind of nutritious meal using three simple ingredients you probably have in your kitchen at home. Your conventional yeast-raised loaf, some puree legume spread and strawberry relish reduction.” Spreading it on. Always in a counterclockwise motion. Now, you never want to mix the ingredients, so we are going to get a separate knife for the strawberry relish reductions. Well, not really. We’re just going to wipe this off, and then drop it on like that. Then it’s a 45-degree angle. Clean it up, and presentation is the key here. You see how the black plate contrasts the whitish tones of the conventional yeast raised loaf? Spread it apart and boom!”

Chris Van Vliet: “What would Gordon Ramsay think of that?”

Ned Johnson: “I don’t think we’d be able to say that on the air, but it would be colorful language.”

Gordon Ramsay: “You shouldn’t be [expletive] anywhere near food.”

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