This weekend — yarrrr, matey — Capt. Jack Sparrow is back, and so is Johnnie-U. Tonight, he’s just returned from the high seas with his review of “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales.”
Hey, folks, Johnnie-U here! I’m wondering: Is it “Ca-RIB-bean” or “Carib-BEE-an?” Anyway, I get to dress up like a captain!
(Not the captain of a plane. A ship.)
All right, now, in this movie, Capt. Jack Sparrow is sought after by Henry, Will Turner’s son, to help him find the Trident of Poseidon, to free his father from eternity on the ghost ship, The Flying Dutchman.
The only problem is, Capt. Jack is being pursued by another ghostly ship under the command of Capt. Salazar, who is seeking revenge for trapping him in the Devil’s Triangle, and, of course, a few others of Sparrow’s enemies who would like him to meet Davy Jones’ locker.
Well, scallywags, what can I say about this flick except, this ship is sunk. The special effects were amazing, but not enough to keep this movie afloat.
The plot was lame. It was just jumbled with too many side stories to care about any one. I felt no real connection or empathy for any of the characters.
And I didn’t laugh once. I was actually bored.
I yell mutiny. Skip this one, folks. I’m Johnnie-U and this has been my movie review.
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