Dessert is the most important meal of the day on Thanksgiving, at least for Lynn.

Deco’s Alex Miranda has never fancied himself a cook. That’s actually the end of the sentence, because he apparently cannot cook.

Well, my kitchen is currently under construction and covered in dust, so we’re going to parents’ instead.

They may have a better oven, but even that won’t help this Thanksgiving Day disaster.

Welcome to the Alex Miranda Cooking Show!

Words you didn’t ask for, but hopefully a Thanksgiving dessert you’ll want to try.

Spiced apple cake is on the menu today, and we’re starting with a pound and a half of the Golden Delicious variety.

All right, so now you peel, core and slice the apples. I’ve never peeled an apple in my life.

This is a potato peeler. Is that the same thing? Does anybody peel apples?

I’ve since learned they do. But I did skip that for the rest and decided to core the apples.

This next part is the beginning of the end.

If I core it, then I don’t have to slice it.

Stay tuned.

Now, crack two eggs into a bowl.

This feels really legit!

Zest a lemon — with Celia Cruz playing.

Add 1/3 cup of light brown sugar.

And then a pinch of salt. Eh-spectacular!

After that, stir it all up, baby!

Keep mixing it until it’s thick and creamy, baby.

Then, grab the flour.

OK, one cup. Put that in there.

A quarter cup of milk and three tablespoons of baking powder.

Grab your pan and fold — whatever that means — two-thirds of the apples in.

I think I got too many apples. Where’s the pie?

See, that’s why I was supposed to slice them!

It wants me to add more apples! We are going to skip out on these apples, OK?

Well, this is the final product. I don’t know what this is going to turn into.

It’s just over a half an hour in the oven. So, nap on your childhood blankie, take in the great outdoors and lose your patience.

All right, it’s time, 35 minutes have passed. Let’s see what happened.

Not bad, that actually tastes pretty good.

Spoke too soon.

Wait… no, no, no. The after flavor is coming in.

I think what I’m missing is the spice.

Final ingredient: Captain Morgan Spiced Rum!

That’s how you do it, right?

Guess not.

Step 274: You have to clean up. No fun. Happy Thanksgiving!

It turns out I even had the wrong pan. That was for pies, not cakes!

Another reason why there were so many apples there: it was too small.

Don’t try this at home.

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