Tied Up

When I think about getting Tied Up for fashion, it’s more of, say, a fantasy. Don’t worry, this isn’t a blog about baring it all for bondage. Although, I am open to all types of fashion. Instead, it’s a story of make believe, cuz every girl’s gotta dream.

Once upon a time, in a stylish land far, far away …

Shireen didn’t eat Taco Bell or Jalapeño Cheetos (her favorite snack food.) She was an animal in the gym and in the best shape of her life. Her butt was so high and tight, she burned all her granny panties and donated her trusty Spanx to a Jell-O charity, because she knew her ‘see it wiggle, watch it jiggle’ days were behind her.

Then, as fate would have it, Shireen met Prince Charming. At least, that was his name on his driver’s license. Anyway, he was the kind of man who would help her ‘keep it together.’ That’s how my Deco Drive editor, Darius, describes a guy that keeps his girl on point.

We’re talking the whole kit and caboodle here. Said man, generously gives his woman a bounty of Benjamins to beautify her hair, nails and body. He even cranks out ‘da coin’ to buy her clothes, shoes and purses. She doesn’t even have to put out, call him ‘big daddy’ or refer to him as her pimp.

Shireen meets said man (Prince Charming) at a swanky lounge in downtown Miami. After a little small talk he asks: “What’s your name? Where are you from? What are you drinking?” He’s so into her, he lets her talk about herself for hours, without once complaining or even looking at his watch. He tells her: “I have a great job. I’m not crazy and I have a healthy relationship with my mother.” Shireen believes him, because it’s HER fantasy. Plus, she’s kissed a lot of frogs, so odds are, she’s getting close to a Prince.

Then, one thing leads to another and before you know it, Shireen starts reenacting Kim Basinger’s famous striptease from the movie 9 1/2 weeks, for Prince. Mind you, not in that swanky lounge in downtown Miami, but in the privacy of her favorite karaoke bar on South Beach. Shireen’s always wanted to be a singer, but she can only carry a tune in a bucket (according to her mother.) But in her fantasy, Shireen wows the crowd, as she belts out a cool remix of Joe Cocker’s ‘You Can Leave Your Hat On.’

Stripping, singing and keeping sexy eye contact with a Prince (named Prince) is NO easy task. So, she dresses to impress with an uber tight, skinny Ted Baker pant suit, her new Sophia Webster mermaid, iridescent booties and tosses her supple, dark blue Furla hobo bag (from Koko & Palenki) over her shoulder. Props are always important when performing. Plus, at the moment, that bag happens to be one of Shireen’s Favorite Things.

The Prince could hardly take it all in. He was mad with desire. Understandably so. I mean, it’s not everyday a man goes into a ‘I’ve finally found the queen of my kingdom’ trance. He knew he had found the fairest of them all and not because Shireen was pale, (because she had an awesome spray tan,) but because she was all Tied Up.

He didn’t notice at first, but secretly and seductively, Shireen had managed to tuck a tie under her white button up shirt. It was resting comfortably on her collar bone. This wasn’t just any tie though, it was a bow tie. One that was neat and sleek. It was reminiscent of a sexy, but classy 70’s Playboy Bunny from back in the clubs heyday, with a modern day twist of texture. He knew (because he was Prince Charming,) that getting Tied Up wasn’t just the trend of the moment, it was memorable.

The bow tie wrapped its way around fashion in the 40’s and 50’s and never quite unraveled itself, like most trends do. Famous fans of the tie fetish include James Bond, Fred Astaire, Winston Churchill, Frank Sinatra, Andre 3000 and most recently, Rihanna.

Suddenly, Prince Charming grew woozy from the fabulousness of it all and passed out. Cold. Right in the middle of the karaoke bar. Shireen ran to his side, dropped to her knees and stroked his hair. “What’s wrong?” She cried out. She thought maybe he was under a spell? Or perhaps, this fantasy was too much for his reality? She hadn’t even threatened, pressured, or given him an ultimatum yet and he’d left her. Men!

A 911 call/a gurney/an ambulance ride/a hospital bed/a morphine drip/and several doctors later, Prince Charming still lay sleeping. Shireen never left his side. Matter-of-fact, she was so tired, she crawled into his bed and slept, too. She was jet lagged from a recent trip to London. Besides, everyone needs a little beauty sleep.

The next day, the nurse woke Shireen (who looked amazing after all that rest) and told her: “You should kiss the Prince. That’s what he’s waiting for. He’ll wake up if you kiss him!” Shireen rolled her eyes and said: “That’s absurd; who would ever believe a story like that?” Instead, she laced both of her hands around her neck and unsnapped her bow tie. Then, she slipped it around Prince Charming’s neck.

His eyes were heavy, but they fluttered opened. It was the first time in his life he’d been Tied Up and he knew, it would knot be the last. He smiled when he saw Shireen standing there, especially because she had brought an extra bow tie (so her neck wasn’t naked.) She even paired it with a fetching felt hat. Shireen looked smashing.

The couple embraced, kissed and cried with happiness. They knew, they were Tied Up into a perfect fall, fashionable look and with that… finally, Shireen the fashionista and Prince Charming (at least, that’s what his name says on his driver’s license,) lived happily ever after.

The End

Get Tied Up with your own bow tie at www.thetiebar.com you can wear one with just about anything — or nothing at all…

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