If you want to try something really wild, hop aboard the Johnnie-U Express. Tonight, he’s sizing up “Murder on the Orient Express.” That’s fitting, since his segments are like train wrecks — because you can’t look away!
Hold on, hold on! I’m coming! Hey, folks. Johnnie-U here. I’m going on vacation on a train, and I just happen to be seeing the new flick “Murder on the Orient Express.”
Anyway, when I come back, I’ll tell you guys all about it.
All right, now, in this movie, the world’s greatest detective, Hercule Poirot, heads off on a peaceful train ride after solving another case, but it just so happens that someone is murdered on the train.
Wait, what happened?! There’s been a murder on my train. Time to solve the mystery of Cole, unresponsive cameraman.
But back to this adaptation of the Agatha Christie novel, the genius detective has been asked to solve the case. Now he has to figure out which of the 12 other passengers did it.
Well, folks, I hate to say it, but “Murder on the Orient Express” derails. It is beautiful to look at, and director Kenneth Branagh was superb as the beloved inspector. But other than that, it lost steam.
For a whodunit flick, it needed more suspense and mystery. Every clue is presented as our detective was figuring it out, and left nothing for the audience to come up with their own conclusions.
Also, it was sad to see an all-star cast used as background noise and underutilized.
But back to my stiff camera operator. Let’s look at the evidence: He is still dead, and I’m the only one on the train, which leads me to believe that … wait! I didn’t kill Cole! I swear.
Well, folks, it turns out the unconscious photog wasn’t murdered. Cole’s just a really good napper.
Anyway, “Murder on the Orient Express” is a movie that you don’t need to bother getting a ticket for. It should have never left the station.
I’m Johnnie-U, and this has been my movie review.
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